What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 28.06.2025 09:35
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
She was in good health!
Exercise improves colon cancer survival, high-quality trial finds - Ars Technica
Especially a lifetime of it.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
How do you identify a fake whey protein gold standard?
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Im still living with it.
Why is Jack Smith arguing that presidents should not have full immunities as Trump is requesting?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Is the global economy heading for another major recession in 2025? 📉💸?
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Do you agree with Kamala Harris that Donald Trump is dangerous?
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
It was going to be , some day.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I was 9 years of age.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Who was the most ignorant American you have ever met?
One cannot live in the past .
As i do to all so called friends.?
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Do you need goggles for red light therapy?
Would this be the day?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
CFPB enforcement lead resigns, slams ‘attack’ on core mission in departure email - CNN
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
But ive been too sick for many years..
Were knights’ lances practical weapons, or were they just for sports?
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I was seconnd youngest,
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
My family never makes their pension either.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
My life is so biszare .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I will be 64.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
This is soul school!.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
But, we were locked up after school.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Put me off passion for life!!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Who then, do I blame.?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
So whats the point in blame.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
She found it foreign!.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I never cut or harmed myself..
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
(And it was in our own minds.)
I think the readers, may guess!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
We all went to grammer schools
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
He knew the spot.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
So, i spoilt her more .
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I waited trembling.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Why did i forgive my father ?
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
My mum and dad in the seventies!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
But it wasn’t much.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
She loved him until the end.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
She wouldn,t have been !
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
When she asked me how she looked .
Im dying but, im not bitter.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I was very sick at this time too.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I write beautiful poetry .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Was to survive, this bastard.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I said to her
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
We were not on the streets..
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
She married twice! .
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
All the time i was locked up.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Ive learnt so much.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
And i lived it daily.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I have no regrets .
I don,t even have a pension.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I was scared of men, in general
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
What did i know ?
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I could never make a relationship work though!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I couldn’t, believe it.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Comes on , in middle age.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.